The Approval Trap

We all want some form of connection. Maybe to feel accepted or to know we are seen and valued. That desire is deeply human. But when connection turns into performing a version of yourself, fitting in becomes the goal and we can lose connection with who we really are.

This is the approval trap. It looks like success on the surface, but underneath, it often feels hollow.

How the Trap Works

The approval trap often begins quietly. You make one choice to keep the peace, to avoid conflict, or to meet someone’s expectations. Then another. And another. Over time, you find yourself living by rules you never chose, chasing validation instead of alignment.

It is not always obvious when it is happening. That is what makes it powerful. The need to be liked, respected, or accepted can mask itself as ambition, kindness, or responsibility.

But here is the cost: the further you move from what matters most to you, the less authentic your life feels, no matter how much recognition you get.

Using Your Values as a Compass

Your Values Identifier report can help you see where you are performing instead of living. When you understand your values and recognize what they look like in practice, you begin to notice when your choices do not match your true priorities.

Ask yourself:

• Am I doing this to stay true to myself, or to meet someone else’s expectations?
• Does this decision align with my values, or is it built around fear of judgment?
• If no one was watching, would I choose the same thing?

When approval stops being the measure, alignment becomes the guide.

Choosing Connection Over Performance

Real connection does not come from being liked by everyone. It comes from being known by the right people. When you live according to your values, some relationships will deepen, and others may fall away. That can feel uncomfortable, but it creates space for a more genuine sense of belonging.

Something to Reflect On

Where in your life are you choosing approval over authenticity? And what might shift if you trusted your values more than other people’s expectations?